Well, you asked for it!

For as long as I can remember, after I tell people what I did that day, or the process I’ve gone through to complete a DIY project, or even something that one of my children has said or done to me, the response is one of the following:

~ Oh, my GOD! You should have your own reality TV show!

~ You should write a book!

~ WOW. I’m so glad that happened to you and not me! (OK, very few people actually say this out loud, but I can see it in their eyes.)

I’m here to tell you, it’s not as easy as you might think to get on television. Sure, I could go all Snookie on you, but really, my life is way funnier sober, taller, and paler. As for the book, I personally don’t see myself as interesting enough for an entire book. Frankly, I’m more of a cautionary tale to be used as a threat to other women, or the punch line on a snarky tee-shirt kinda girl. I want to be the fascinating lady that people would read 200 pages about, but I’m just a crazy girl who is a little too ADD to sit down and write that much. So, to compromise, I’m writing a blog.

Now, as many of you know from my status updates on the faceplace, my life is rarely boring, sometimes gross and usually unintentionally humorous. For those who are stumbling upon me for the first time, here’s why in a nut shell (pun intended). I’m an only child who was brought up rather girly and am very close to my Mom. As a matter of fact, this is only the second time in my almost 35 years that I have not lived under the same roof as Her Royal Highness. I have a wonderful husband who asked her to live with us for the 11 years we lived in Valparaiso, IN. She is where I get my innate sewing abilities, my penchant for yard sales and thrift, and a little of my hoarding tendencies. She is the kind of mother that all growing up, people always asked if she could be their mom, too. And she would always say, yes. So much so, that you will still find people calling her “Mama” on faceplace. The Hubs, is well, my husband! We are opposites in many ways, but in that cool ‘Dharma & Greg’ kind of way, and have been doing it that way for almost 13 years. He’s a perfectionist, organized to the point of OCD, career Dude, who is good at sports and has never gotten less than an A in his life. I’m more of a “let’s make that mistake into a tree”, always losing her safe place, near sighted, theatre geek, who can relate more pop culture trivia than state capitols. We balance each other like nothing else, and I think he only regrets his impetuous decision to marry the girl 10 years his junior, two or three times a week. ¬†And we make amazingly beautiful and brilliant children. (Did I mention how humble we are?)

Our first born son is a blue eyed, blonde haired, handsome ball of energy, we will refer to as The Blonde One, so as not to hurt his street cred. He is, as of right now, 11 years old and an autistic. This is not an “Awww,” statement. It’s kind of an explanation, kind of a warning. He is a brilliant artist, computer whiz, Elmo loving, marathon running, fish of a swimmer, who keeps us on our toes at all times. Our second child is a blue eyed, brunette we will call, The Brunette, because he might have a political career, or possibly be famous in some other way, and if he doesn’t want to share the things he’s said and done at 8, then he shouldn’t have to. Because, they tend to be good ones. You see, our children are the culmination of all the things that we have ever done to make our parents say, “I hope you are a parent one day and have a child JUST LIKE YOU.” The Blonde One, has an affinity for going au natural, in doors and out, perfected the Broadway Finish and if you don’t applaud for something he feels should be, he will grab your hands and MAKE you applaud. The Brunette, weeellll, he has had his own “show” going for most of his life. He narrates it from the time he opens his eyes until the time he closes them. He sings, he dances, he interviews, and he has Eddie Haskell like personality traits.

We are new residents of San Antonio, TX, as of 2 and 1/2 months ago. I’m not going to say that living in Texas is like living in another country, but it sure isn’t what this Yankee Girl is used to. I will totally fill you all in on that in the coming posts, but know that a lot of what I’m going to be discussing is about that. And, settling into my awesome new house (it’s seriously like a dream to me). Probably, a few of my adventures with my first San Antonio friend, The Mighty Melly. And, the views of the Female in the Fraternity. Yes, Ladies & Gents, even the cat and the dog are males. However, don’t feel too badly for me, for if I wasn’t surrounded by all this testosterone, you wouldn’t be able to have such a great chuckle at what happens to me. Because, in truth, I don’t mind your laughing at me, since I do. I learned a LONG time ago that I could either laugh, or cry at any given situation, and I’m a really ugly crier.

Now, until the ‘morrow, good readers, as I need to let the dog out, console a crying child who STILL doesn’t believe there is a difference between a Taco Truck and the Ice Cream Truck because they play the same tune, fold the laundry and make sure HRH and her mother (The Queen Mum, more on her coming up, too) haven’t killed each other, yet today.